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FARQ (Frequently Asked Rhetorical Questions)
January 29, 2007 |
The answers to many common rhetorical questions can be found here. Please browse this page and make sure your particular rhetorical question has not already been answered before asking it.
Q. What part of the word “no” didn’t you understand?
A. Actually the word “no” has only one part. And I understand it completely. My persistence has nothing to do with a lack of understanding. Jackass.
Q. Do you expect me to believe that?
A. My expectations have no relevance here. I am simply stating the facts as I understand them. Pindick.
Q. Why do I get stuck with all the losers?
A. Because of your shitty haircut.
Q. Hot enough for you?
A. Yes it is. My body’s requirement for heat is being met, perhaps even exceeded. Now that I think about it, it’s actually quite a bit hotter than I would prefer. But I’m getting off track here. You only asked if it was hot enough for me, and to that, my answer is yes. A resounding yes.
Q. How many times do I have to tell you?
A. That is impossible to determine without the benefit of hindsight. I suggest we avoid even attempting to predetermine how many times you have to tell me. Simply tell me as many times as it takes to achieve your desired result, and then the answer to your question will be self-evident.
Q. Who’s asking?
A. Rocko.
Q. How much do you love me right now?
A. You got tickets?!! God, I called every place in town! They said “O” is sold out for five months! What did you do, blow the concierge or something? Hey, what’s that look for? Geez I make one little joke. Meanwhile I have to listen to you sing that awful Kenny Rogers song every time I get up from a Blackjack table. This is not the weekend I had in mind. I’m sorry. You know what? My blood sugar must be really low. Can we get a bagel or something?
Q. What will they think of next?
A. The next thing they will think of is a way to clone chicken eggs, which will reduce the cost of store-bought eggs by taking the chicken completely out of the loop.
Q. Was that a promise or a threat?
A. It was a threat. Albeit, an empty one. But not as empty as your half-assed challenge to it. Fuckwit.
Q. Who would fuck him?
A. Any person who finds him sufficiently attractive or compelling. Or a whore.
Q. Could you be any stupider?
A. No. I am as stupid, or for that matter, as smart, as I can possibly be. Of course, I am capable of learning, in which case I will become more knowledgeable. I could suffer brain damage, in which case I would become less aware. But my basic intelligence level is more or less set. Pompous fuck.
Q. Working hard or hardly working?
A. Don’t give me that fake camaraderie, you glad-handing jack-off. I’m working and you’re pretending to be like me by asking that pointless question. You’re probably going to bill someone for the time you spent on this non-conversation. Moron.
Q. What the hell do you know about butyrylcholinesterase K variants?
A. A lot more than Gandys and Schoefield, that’s for sure. I was on the original team that determined the frequency of the BCHE-K genotype in the first place, so don’t be so quick to judge. Asswipe.
Q. How bad am I?
A. Superbad, my man. Superbad.
Q. How fucking hard is it to make a good tv show?
A. Really hard.
Add your own. It’s fun.
Comments
26 Comments so far
Despite the fact you have to ask, well, no.
Q. Why can’t you just accept me for who I am?
A. Because, all in all, you suck. And furthermore, though I am not particularly offended by ALL sucky people, you seem to have become a particularly prominent pain-in-my-ass, which leads me to believe that you may, in fact, suck more than I previously thought, in which case it is not entirely out of the question to assume you are a complete waste of shit and sunshine. Fuckstick.
Q. ?
A. From the person of the same name.
Q: What does that have to do with the price of tea in china?
A: What?! Why is your mom such a little bitch? Plus elephants feet do not look like a pigs eye! I am fat. Your shitty car looks as good as my shit thats in a shape of a car! Headphones always BREAK! I don’t really like cologne but i will always accept a doughnut if offered one dammit! My cell phone remind me of the feeling you get when your waiting in line at the grocery store, taking a math test, cutting the lawn AND taking a shit at the same time! Air is a waste of space! I think we should all inhale helium so that we sound like a skunks sisters stepfathers Jew.
Q:Do I look like an asshole to you??
A: Yeah, you do, Asshole.
Q I’VE BEEN DOING IT LIKE THAT FOR 40 YEARS, WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S WRONG?
A Well then you’ve been doing it wrong for 40 years haven’t you, dickhead.
Q Excuse me, have you just farted?
A Of course I have, Are you trying to suggest that this is how i always smell?
Q: what the hell is wrong with you?
A:well actually since your asking, I’ve been pretty srtessed lately, my therapist put a restraining order on me, my spouse has been cheating, and my parents moved and changed there number and didnt tell me. oh and i just gave you herpes.
How do you get paint off of a frog?
Q: How many more times do you HAVE to make that stupid noise?
A:None
Q: Did I stutter?
Would I ask you a rhetorical question?
Q: Is that a banana in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
A: It’s a banana.
Q: Is the Pope catholic?
Q: Does a bear crap in the woods?
These are asked as rhetorical questions when the obvious answer to something is “yes”.
However, it can be historically proven that some Popes have not been Catholic, and bears in Zoos crap in their cages.
Would I lie to you?
What part of the word “rhetorical” didn’t you understand?
This article is a waste of electrons!
anyone have an answer for
Q. Does it look like I care.
Q. Does it look like I care?
A. Yeah. It does. Because if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be standing here baiting me with that stupid fucking question. Dipshit.
Q. Does it look like I care?
A. No. It looks like it hurts, though. Get it checked out or put some salve on it.
What the fuck??
Q. Do these pants make me look fat?
A. Actually, it’s your enormous ass that makes you look fat. But now that you mention it, shoehorning it into a clothing size you haven’t seen since the Carter administration probably isn’t helping things. Thunderthighs.
yes
I would like to see a continuation of the topic
I assume your “Old Negro Space Program” film sparked some controversy, yes?
Not as much as you’d think.
wat da fuck is negrospace?
i thought it was like myspace