The answers to many common rhetorical questions can be found here. Please browse this page and make sure your particular rhetorical question has not already been answered before asking it.

Q. What part of the word “no” didn’t you understand?
A. Actually the word “no” has only one part. And I understand it completely. My persistence has nothing to do with a lack of understanding. Jackass.

Q. Do you expect me to believe that?
A. My expectations have no relevance here. I am simply stating the facts as I understand them. Pindick.

Q. Why do I get stuck with all the losers?
A. Because of your shitty haircut.

Q. Hot enough for you?
A. Yes it is. My body’s requirement for heat is being met, perhaps even exceeded. Now that I think about it, it’s actually quite a bit hotter than I would prefer. But I’m getting off track here. You only asked if it was hot enough for me, and to that, my answer is yes. A resounding yes.

Q. How many times do I have to tell you?
A. That is impossible to determine without the benefit of hindsight. I suggest we avoid even attempting to predetermine how many times you have to tell me. Simply tell me as many times as it takes to achieve your desired result, and then the answer to your question will be self-evident.

Q. Who’s asking?
A. Rocko.

Q. How much do you love me right now?
A. You got tickets?!! God, I called every place in town! They said “O” is sold out for five months! What did you do, blow the concierge or something? Hey, what’s that look for? Geez I make one little joke. Meanwhile I have to listen to you sing that awful Kenny Rogers song every time I get up from a Blackjack table. This is not the weekend I had in mind. I’m sorry. You know what? My blood sugar must be really low. Can we get a bagel or something?

Q. What will they think of next?
A. The next thing they will think of is a way to clone chicken eggs, which will reduce the cost of store-bought eggs by taking the chicken completely out of the loop.

Q. Was that a promise or a threat?
A. It was a threat. Albeit, an empty one. But not as empty as your half-assed challenge to it. Fuckwit.

Q. Who would fuck him?
A. Any person who finds him sufficiently attractive or compelling. Or a whore.

Q. Could you be any stupider?
A. No. I am as stupid, or for that matter, as smart, as I can possibly be. Of course, I am capable of learning, in which case I will become more knowledgeable. I could suffer brain damage, in which case I would become less aware. But my basic intelligence level is more or less set. Pompous fuck.

Q. Working hard or hardly working?
A. Don’t give me that fake camaraderie, you glad-handing jack-off. I’m working and you’re pretending to be like me by asking that pointless question. You’re probably going to bill someone for the time you spent on this non-conversation. Moron.

Q. What the hell do you know about butyrylcholinesterase K variants?
A. A lot more than Gandys and Schoefield, that’s for sure. I was on the original team that determined the frequency of the BCHE-K genotype in the first place, so don’t be so quick to judge. Asswipe.

Q. How bad am I?
A. Superbad, my man. Superbad.

Q. How fucking hard is it to make a good tv show?
A. Really hard.

Add your own. It’s fun.

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Comments

28 Comments so far

  1. Q. Am I good or what on February 19, 2007 2:48 pm

    Despite the fact you have to ask, well, no.

  2. Chad Parsons on February 21, 2007 12:41 am

    Q. Why can’t you just accept me for who I am?
    A. Because, all in all, you suck. And furthermore, though I am not particularly offended by ALL sucky people, you seem to have become a particularly prominent pain-in-my-ass, which leads me to believe that you may, in fact, suck more than I previously thought, in which case it is not entirely out of the question to assume you are a complete waste of shit and sunshine. Fuckstick.

  3. Ed Roberts on February 22, 2007 10:42 pm

    Q. ?

    A. From the person of the same name.

  4. Mike Hunt on March 1, 2007 8:40 pm

    Q: What does that have to do with the price of tea in china?

    A: What?! Why is your mom such a little bitch? Plus elephants feet do not look like a pigs eye! I am fat. Your shitty car looks as good as my shit thats in a shape of a car! Headphones always BREAK! I don’t really like cologne but i will always accept a doughnut if offered one dammit! My cell phone remind me of the feeling you get when your waiting in line at the grocery store, taking a math test, cutting the lawn AND taking a shit at the same time! Air is a waste of space! I think we should all inhale helium so that we sound like a skunks sisters stepfathers Jew.

  5. p4ncho on March 22, 2007 3:00 pm

    Q:Do I look like an asshole to you??

    A: Yeah, you do, Asshole.

  6. Mike on May 21, 2007 2:15 pm

    Q I’VE BEEN DOING IT LIKE THAT FOR 40 YEARS, WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S WRONG?

    A Well then you’ve been doing it wrong for 40 years haven’t you, dickhead.

  7. Mike on May 21, 2007 2:17 pm

    Q Excuse me, have you just farted?

    A Of course I have, Are you trying to suggest that this is how i always smell?

  8. Erin. on June 17, 2007 12:09 pm

    Q: what the hell is wrong with you?

    A:well actually since your asking, I’ve been pretty srtessed lately, my therapist put a restraining order on me, my spouse has been cheating, and my parents moved and changed there number and didnt tell me. oh and i just gave you herpes.

  9. Ern on July 1, 2007 12:10 am

    How do you get paint off of a frog?

  10. George on July 25, 2007 4:56 am

    Q: How many more times do you HAVE to make that stupid noise?

    A:None

  11. Steve Eaken on August 25, 2007 11:04 pm

    Q: Did I stutter?

  12. billy bob on September 3, 2007 12:12 am

    Would I ask you a rhetorical question?

  13. allan on September 3, 2007 12:39 am

    Q: Is that a banana in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?
    A: It’s a banana.

  14. China Tattler on September 3, 2007 12:54 am

    Q: Is the Pope catholic?
    Q: Does a bear crap in the woods?

    These are asked as rhetorical questions when the obvious answer to something is “yes”.

    However, it can be historically proven that some Popes have not been Catholic, and bears in Zoos crap in their cages.

    Would I lie to you?

  15. Ned Wreck on September 3, 2007 6:49 am

    What part of the word “rhetorical” didn’t you understand?

    This article is a waste of electrons!

  16. Carina =]] on September 8, 2007 9:13 am

    anyone have an answer for

    Q. Does it look like I care.

  17. Andy Bobrow on September 8, 2007 2:13 pm

    Q. Does it look like I care?

    A. Yeah. It does. Because if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be standing here baiting me with that stupid fucking question. Dipshit.

  18. Holly on September 27, 2007 9:23 am

    Q. Does it look like I care?

    A. No. It looks like it hurts, though. Get it checked out or put some salve on it.

  19. Amy on October 5, 2007 12:48 pm

    What the fuck??

  20. Doogie on October 9, 2007 9:37 pm

    Q. Do these pants make me look fat?

    A. Actually, it’s your enormous ass that makes you look fat. But now that you mention it, shoehorning it into a clothing size you haven’t seen since the Carter administration probably isn’t helping things. Thunderthighs.

  21. is emily gay on December 7, 2007 2:44 am

    yes

  22. Maharet on October 6, 2008 10:22 am

    WHAT THE HELL BOBBY?

  23. Ed Magowan on May 27, 2009 7:57 pm

    Q. Do you think I’m an idiot?

    A. No, you’d have to move up a couple levels to reach idiot, you fucking moron. Just go away, seeing you makes my teeth hurt. Jerk.

  24. Dave on November 7, 2011 4:56 pm

    I know, right?

  25. Bubba Bagginsscottvelardo on January 19, 2012 4:10 pm

    Q. Are we there yet?
    A. No. We are here, which is the only place we can ever be.
    Think about it if you must; you’ll get it.

  26. Bubba Baggins on January 22, 2012 7:57 am

    Actually, “are we there yet” isn’t technically a rhetorical question, but it is a useless one, generally.

  27. Hypocrite23 on June 23, 2013 12:47 pm

    Q. What are you, an Asshole or something?

    A. Actually, yes. I have been worthy of the A label on occasion. When not engaged in ass-holiness I still manage to exist, that is to say I’m always technically something.

    Nice auestion champ. What are you, some kind of an ass-hole?

  28. Charl on August 4, 2014 5:44 am

    What Da Faq?

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